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I say, Bismarck. Might I have a slice without bat?

We’ve all heard, ad nauseam, about reparations. This is the wheeze whereby whitey pays black folk a good deal because someone’s great-great-great-gramps had them out picking cotton on hot days. It doesn’t matter that the slave trade is far more complex than the version the Left hold to, which is essentially one of the chapters – if not the main chapter – in The Boy’s Own Giant Bumper Book of Black History. For the Left, of course, it’s all the KKK and lynchings – of which there weren’t really very many – and Go Down Moses. The Left do still adore their black entertainers, especially if white people are paying the entrance fee.

But still the beat goes on, and black people insist that they want big fat cheques they can invest wisely for the future to make up for something no one alive today is responsible for and which has been magnified to fit the Left’s business-as-usual anti-white narrative.

But, hey, how about some reparations right smack bang in the here and now? Not for black people who, provided they live in the West and not in the ill-run pig-sties known as African countries, have quite literally never had it so good, but for a different type of victim, and not just of one colour, no, for victims diverse enough for even the Left to approve. How about money for people suffering a historically provable wrong, a hardship we can all see, like Greta (self-isolating from people now as well as reality) can see ozone? How about cash from a country we are always told by the gleeful Left is rich and fixing to overtake the hated US – every bit as mush a Great Satan for the Lefties as it is for those cheeky Mussulmen – and how about the money now, in used yen notes? Yeah, how about China pays?

They caused this. Whether it is their disgusting dietary habits or the slack protocols at their bio-weapons labs, their access to cheap tourism or their willingness to send textile workers to Europe who go back to celebrate the lunar year, then go back to work – in Italy, China and its revolting, deceitful, callous Communist leadership, just dropped the world in a puddle of poo. So how about it, Charlie Chan? Show us the money.

The Left, of course, have found a new pet – they were getting bored with Rastus and Liza, and Mohammed could just be that little bit more grateful – and so it’s hug a Chinaman time, and don’t let that fascist xenophobic Trump call a Chinese virus a Chinese virus, and watch out for the backlash against Chinese-run businesses. Well, how about screw all that. How about massive trade-and-aid sanctions against the country that started the worst global crisis since World War 2? That’s right. You want us to help you defeat us, my little yellow friends? Velly solly, but no tickee, no laundry.

This is the perfect opportunity to kick a global opponent when he’s down. Will the West be brutal enough to do it? We’ll take the cash in disinfected notes, and hold the soy sauce.

Illustration credit: Henri Meyer, Bibliothèque Nationale de France

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