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George Soros, earlier today

We all know the drill by now. The world is run by a shadowy cabal of Jews who control the media, politics, the corporations and that guy who sells you your Danish pastry and coffee on the way to work. Along with the Illuminati – which they also control – they have run history for the benefit of the twelve tribes and their mums. Throw in Palestine, a blood libel or two, a subscription to Andrew Anglin’s Daily Stormer, and a colouring-in version of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and you have the full kit. It’s the one thing that connects the new Left with the Alt. Right; the desire to see a hung Jewry.

But what’s this, conspiracy theorists? Tribal in-fighting? It seems that there is a world-historical spat developing between two powerful men of the Hebraic persuasion you would have thought enjoyed a bite of gefilte together; George Soros and Mark Zuckerberg.

As you are aware, we here at British Intelligence pride ourselves on a level of maturity sadly lacking in other, lesser journals, and we will describe the pair accordingly. Zuckerberg is the one who looks like a hybrid of the servo-bots in the movie of Asimov’s I, Robot, and a peanut, while Soros looks like Davros (not Davos), the guy who created the Daleks. There.

It seems that Dr. Evil – sorry, George Soros – wants Zuckerberg relieved of duties at the data farm that is Facebook. Lil’ Markie is, says the chief Dalek, shilling for Trump 2020, wears a big furry hat and quite possibly takes his tea from a golden samovar.

At this point, it is necessary to revisit the mission statement of the elites; People are too stoopid to make up their own political minds and require social media to do it for them. You should never forget how much the elites hate you, but it isn’t because they are Jewish. However, for those who see malevolent Jewish influence lurking under every bagel, this is like the intersectionality paradox the Left are increasingly having to face, that is, what happens when (for example) the seemingly unstoppable force of transgenderism meets the apparently immovable object of Islam? Similarly, when Jews collide, which one do the swivel-eyed get behind?

Firstly, the notion that Zuckerberg wants Trump re-elected is what P G Wodehouse’s Bertie Wooster would call pure apple sauce. Like all the Silicon Valley masters of the universe, Zuckerberg works tirelessly – although not as relentlessly as YouTube and Twitter – to suppress any and all conservative content. Secondly, this plunges us straight back into the whole farcical Russian collusion train-wreck that has helped the Democrats wear their propeller-hats straight. If Putin had wanted to destroy America, he would have worked round the clock for Hillary. His entire cabinet would have been dressed in bad pants suits and tie-on cardboard Hill masks.

No, this smacks to us of another move in Soros’s game of global Monopoly, like buying Park Lane when you already have Mayfair. Soros probably wants one of his buddies in Antifa to head up Facebook.

We will monitor the situation here from the mighty, Sauron-like eye that is British Intelligence, the vast informational panopticon that is BI Towers, the… (I thought we had come to a working agreement. Ed.) Anyway, any developments, and you will be among the first to know. British Intelligence: News you can use about Jews.

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