Madame Tussaud's, earlier today
HEY JOE. WHATCHA DOIN’ WITH THAT NOMINATION IN YOUR HAND?
The Left may be a bluebottle in a sampler-sized jar of ointment, but they are also a source of fascination. If they didn’t exist we’d have to invent them, just to keep the hard-core laughs rolling in. It may be whistling past civilisation’s graveyard, but when it comes to outfits who are up there with The Keystone Cops, The Pathetic Sharks from Viz comic, and Inspector Clouseau, you need look no further than your nearest Western Left-wing political party. Some of their behaviour and ideas, as hinted at ominously just now, are dangerous and would be ultimately fatal to the West, but some aspects of the modern Left as a whole are a laugh riot.
The British Labour Party started the last general election with its shoe-laces knotted firmly together, and proceeded to pull down its trousers to further impede progress, as in a scene from Carry On Socialism. You may think up your own cast list for that one, once you’ve worked out that Hattie Jacques in blackface would have to be Diane Abbott.
Labour allowed the bra strap of its anti-Semitism to show underneath its blouse, seemingly forgetting that the Muslim population of the UK is not the 80-90% it would prefer. Then, they decided that the best way to consolidate Labour voters who live north of that fantastic little Persian restaurant – yes, they actually call it ‘Persian’, darling – in Kentish Town, that a party whose members believe that there are not just lads and lasses, but all sorts of other colourful genders too. And they will be in your little daughter’s school next week teaching her to twerk. You don’t have to take the piss out of Labour; they are giving it away.
But, crossing the herring-pond, we learn once again that Uncle Sam – even when it comes to cretinism – does it better and he does it BIGGER!
The Democrat Party, faced with a man who has bulldozed them for well over three years, had to pick a champion, a hero, a man who would not take it anymore…
And they chose Joe fucking Biden. Honestly, if he changes his name to ‘Joe Fucking Biden’ for the presidential campaign, we will bet you at 5, possibly 6-1, that he does better than he would have done otherwise, although we admit that a hypothetical is hard to prove. Put it on his campaign bus, big letters. JOE FUCKIN' BIDEN! Imagine cowboy country, trailerville, even the Detroit chapter of the Crips. ‘Fuck man, who is that?’ ‘Joe Biden, homes. He running for President’. ‘Well, fuck man. He get my vote!’ Respect.
Now, this is assuming that the Democrats have ice-picked Bernie Sanders in the skull for a second time, and that it is Biden who gets the nomination. But, if he does, another way the Left have just taken to walking around with a piece of paper taped to their backs which reads KICK ME! has been their endless chatter and chirruping about Trump’s mental health. So, the first thing they need to ensure is that their guy is on the ball, sharp as a tack, able to run rings in a debate around a street brawler like Trump. So they pick a guy who makes Mr Magoo look like 007. Do you think the Right might have fun with this? You can find Biden’s bumbling attempts to master planet Earth at your own leisure, but what they call the ‘optics’ are not looking too clever.
And, as an American politician, you have to be seen to be smart, even if you are not. Take equine cheerleader Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. She is sharp, firing out facts, reducing her arguments to points not tales told at the Sunset Care Home. It doesn’t matter that what she is saying has no referent in the real world, and it’s like knowing the names of all the characters in the Narnia books, as long as you keep ‘em cheering and keep ‘em coming back.
Biden is like Michael Foot without the sheer daredevil panache of the Labour leader. The mental health of his campaign team will suffer every time he steps out onto a stage.
And Trump? We must suspect that he is as bemused as we are. The only possibilities are that the Left have been told to take a dive or they really have lost their minds. Surely the Illuminati, or George Soros, or George Soros and the Jews (good name for a bar mitzvah band), or the Avengers, or whoever the hell runs America this week, all hate Trump.
So why would they allow Biden to be their champeen? Unless the one answer that Democrats dread the most turns out to be the right answer.
He’s the best they’ve got.
Photo credit: Gage Skidmore, AZ, USA